Celebrating in Jerusalem

Saudade:

The only word I can use to express how I feel and I can’t even explain it at all. It’s a Portuguese word that has no direct translation to English so no explanation could do it justice but this is the best I can do:

A longing; a feeling that something has been lost or isn’t there anymore that can’t be regained. An emptiness.

Saudade. The feeling I get when I think about Israel.

I’m sitting in Barcelona a beautiful city historically, architecturally and culturally. A place of its own amongst all other Spanish cities and a treasure to both locals and tourists.
I’ve spent the last four years dreaming of this city that I’ve never been to. In the dreams I know I am here and I wake up with an empty feeling like the one you feel after saying goodbye to a loved one as I realize it’s only a dream. Twelve hours ago I arrived into the city of my dreams and yet I’ve never yearned for another place like I am yearning today.

In every corner – even so far away I see a piece Israel. announcements for flights going to Tel Aviv, and an Israeli couple who sat by me for 8hours: I understood the word Sababa and maybe a couple more, but that was enough. Groups of kids at the airport in their birthright t-shirts. It all brings back wonderful memories to soon gone but clinging dearly to my heart. Each moment tugging at the strings of my heart.

I don’t know what it is, perhaps the strange way in which it’s remoteness feels like home. Maybe it’s the way it’s history has created stronger bonds in my family and the family That was created while I was there. Or maybe it’s the sadness I feel when I wonder if I’ll ever see half of those people again – and if I do, will it be the same? If I really think about it it’s all of the above but it’s something more. It’s this overwhelming fear that one day I may forget how I felt and that I may never get it back. That I may not be able to go back and rejoice in the emotions. That one day Israel and my experience there will be but a distant memory hidden within others.

But I also welcome it all and rejoice in this feeling for it makes me feel truly alive. In these emotions I can relive my time there and know it was a once in a lifetime experience. In my emotions I know I am human and I am blessed for not too many people can share in my experience. And in my emotions I connect to those who were there with me because I know they feel it too and for the millisecond that I go back in my memories I am connected to my Israeli family once more.

Saudade. I can’t fully explain it, but for that moment in time I know I don’t have to because they feel it too.

My Birthright Family